Something to Remember
by Fandom-Serenity
Summary: 'I'm sorry, Spock. If I could remember, I honestly and truly would..' After so many years of being locked inside himself, Spock comes to realize he is more human than anyone aboard the enterprise- And that's only because his best-friend can't remember the memories they once shared. (Spirk- Spock/Kirk)
1. Chapter 1

[A/N: Please bare in mind that, by the end of all the chapters, this will probably contact **MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH**. That means all you little trekkies out there crying like you've never cried before, hm? And yes- **I am aware that this chapter seems rushed**. I wanted it that way. I needed to move on with the plot]

James was always prone to near-death experiences.

Whether that be through injury, disease or just plain bad-luck, one way or another he would find himself in the situation between life-and-death.

So when he came back from the planet known as Maluan, it was no surprise that he had caught something deadly. Potentially life-threatening. Which, oddly enough, is like any other time they go onto an unknown-planet as captives or to save the species or to stop them from comitting a crime.

"Hypospray's, come on!" Bones were frantic of the Captains current condition. Although the sick-bay were mainly free of patients, the medic team were all bounding about gathering and researching several things at once.

In some sense, however, they ought to.

Strapped down to the bed, Kirk was still being his arrogant-self and trying to remove the belt that tied his waist down with the little strength he had. The difference here, however, is that he couldn't speak. His words were slurred and he had trouble lifting up his own head. His eyes wondered about the room to often no control, and his reactions were incredibly delayed.

Even with everything the Captain has been through, Bones saw this as the worst one yet.

Injecting three hypospray's into Kirk's arm at once, the doctor's face remained confused while he awaited for Jim to make a reaction. Anything.

"Damn it, Jim! Why'd you have to go down onto that god-forbidden planet, anyway?" Bone's snapped his fingers in front of Kirk's face for a while, still waiting to see if there were a reaction.

"_Whaa eeeoooo" _Was all that Kirk could say, apparently. His words were so slurred together it didn't even sound English, or any form of human-language.

"My god, can you even hear me, damn it?" Bone's would continue to bicker, injecting another hypospray into the Captain's neck.

Okay, so maybe he didn't need to inject so much 'antidotes' into Jim- But this was a good excuse to do so. Getting the scanner and trailing it over Jim's chest, he were partly happy to see that his lung's were working well. For now.

Oh, and look at that- Jim finally blinked!

Well. He partly blinked. It was more of a closing-your-eyes-to-sleep-but-then-realising-you' re-dying blink.

"_Geee ee oo..f" _

"I don't know what on God's Earth you're saying, man. But if it's anything like you, you're not going anywhere, got that? You can't even walk, let alone play Captain!"

"_Neeee..."_ Jim let out a cold, almost hoarse moan that crackled up his throat, his body getting incredibly warm. He attempted at lifting his arm again- Anything to say that he were still partly-working. But he couldn't. He couldn't even manage to flick a finger. So, with that small, yet worrying cry of pain, he allowed his wondrous eyes to eventually be covered by his eye-lids.

And if any of you are wondering, this is not another delayed-blink.

After that everything went black. The shouts of Bone's frantic attempts to get him awake again were simply a blur; all merged together that fixed in nicely to the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2- The flashback

"How is he now, doctor McCoy?"

"He's, uh...Well, he's not dead. He could be worse, but god- Why did you allow him to go down there?"  
"It was not my intention for him to catch anything, McCoy. I ensure you that I did not realise-"

"How do we even know if he caught anything? Hell, it could be a disease, poison...-" There was a short pause "Did he bed any aliens?"

"I do not know. I were only with him at the end of the mission, and even then I don't recall him speaking of having sexual intercourse, however, of which he is often fond of doing"

"Yeah" Another pause "Feel like telling me something I don't know?"

"Does that not depend on your knowledge be-"

"It was rhetorical, Spock"

"My apologies, McCoy. I am not fond of such illogical manners."

"Of course you're not, no. Well, then, thanks for your help"

The silence between them lasted a good few minutes, before the straightening-spine Spock made his way over to the Captain's bedside. He looked sound asleep. The small arise and fall of his chest that were completed without the slightest shudder, that told the Vulcan he were overall partly healthy, and when he finally did awake he would be fine.

_"Spock, what are you-"_

_"I ask of you quiet, Jim" The straight-minded Vulcan peered ahead. This planet was incredibly desolate...nothing ahead of themselves but a thick, sandy-like desert. It only differed to Earth's deserts in the fact that it was mild and moist; occasionally a purple liquid would fall from the sky to soothe the sand, but other than that it was the same._

_Spock and Kirk were on the planet Maluan, their bodies shifted against each other as they stared into the distant haze of nothingness Spock held a stun-gun in his hand, and despite his constant prods to try and get Kirk to hold one, too, he disobeyed. To his eyes nothing was here. Not yet._

_"Why? What are we hidi- We're not even hiding. This planet is desolate, Spock. Why are you so nervous?"_

_"I am hardly nervous, Jim. Prepared, perhaps"_

_"Then prepared for what?"_

_"Ssh!" Spock continued at his attempts to shut the Captain up, but was hesitating to answer why. Which of course made Kirk grow in suspicion- Just what was this Vulcan hiding?_

_"Not unless you tell me"_

_"Telling of you the facts will only cause more noise"_

_"Not telling me will keep me prodding for an answer"_

_"Then don't"_

_"Do the logical thing, Spock, and tell me what it is so I will shut up"_

_"There's this.." Spock kept his voice low, his stale-black eyes continuously scanning the open area "..Upon this planet, one of its few in-habitants is known as the Gunan'itch. To the human world it would be known as a fly, though it is very much not. It has a poison that variates from each 'fly'; some can eat away your muscle, slow down your neurone-transmitters and the smaller ones are known for destroying brain cells. The smaller the more venomous"_

_"And that's the species we're saving?"_

_"Their species it at risk of becoming extinct, yes."_

_"...And we also have stun-guns for this, why exactly?"_

_"They are often in large sizes, Jim. The smaller ones are skittish creatures despite their power; I put it at 97.78 percent of a chance that we'd encounter one, with only 2.22 percent of actually being bitten by-"_

_"WHAT! You're telling me that we could be surrounded by the shits, but they wont nearly-kill us because we're big?"_

_"Captain, I highly suggest that y-"_

_"It's also the fact we only have stun-guns to fight them off, and yet we're still doing them a favour by saving the things!"_

_"Cap-"_

_"No, Spock. Out of all the things we've done this is probably the most dangerous. Because we can't see what we're supposed to be protecting ourselves against" For someone who is usually laid back, Kirk wasn't being the least today. These flies came in all sorts of sizes- And the fact that he couldn't see any now was worrying. Of course, the species were in danger of being killed if the world's only liquid-source happened to dry out. The planets main 'mammals' had done so already, many years ago- But the thought of being surrounded by them this very instant was incredibly unnerving._

_"If you continue to make noise, they might be curious of us and start to-"_

_"Curiosity, that's your problem? They've probably already bitten us a-"_

_Now, for anyone who's wondering- No, this is not where Kirk suddenly collapses, or sees a fly, or gets hurt, or.._

_Out of no-where, Spock shifted his body around, swirled the stun-gun about in his hand until it were curled onto one finger and, for no apparent reason, cupped his hands around Kirk's cheek's and met his lips with his own._

_Well, that did shut him up, at least._

_To Jim's surprise, Spock's lips were soft. No this didn't mean he wanted to be kissed- If anything he was shocked to the point where he couldn't move. And he was still unsure if this is even what Spock wanted- He was a Vulcan. They don't do anything illogical, and this was surely a good way to finally shut him up._

_"Sp-" Kirk tried to talk through the gaps in their lips, the constant removing-and-placing getting rather hot and made the place seem as it was an Earth-desert, after all. Then something bulged at the tip of Kirk's lips- Something wet and saliva-driven and desperate and.."Gah, Spock!"_

_"Jim!" Spock suddenly called, his stale-cold eyes growing incredibly wide with the arise of his brows. He quickly snatched his mouth back from Jim's, pulled himself away from the man he had apparently claimed to love, snatched the stun-gun back into his hands full grip and, without another second to spare, pulled the trigger and shot it._

_Maybe he was going crazy, Kirk thought. After all, he had just watched him shoot at nothing._

_"I warned you of what unusual noise to the species could have of cause"_

_"What was...THAT?!"_

_"That was a Gunan'itch, I did warn you of them, did I not? It was only by chance that I spotted it reflect in the distan-"_

_"Not that, Spock! The whole.."Kirk paused for a moment, his tongue rolling through his own mouth while he tried to recollect the scent of the Vulcan "-You were right in there for me!"_

_"It kept you quiet, did it not? Something I have advised you to do since we arrived upon the planet" To no surprise Spock didn't take any heed to what Jim was trying to hint- He was being stubborn, for a Vulcan. This is how they deliver attitude. Kirk had never been kissed by a Vulcan, but he had been kissed by a human multiple times- So he hadn't an idea if this is what they called 'desperation'. But Spock was smart, and Kirk knew he would have knowledge of how humans show desire for one another. Surely._

_"Yeah, but- Do you often go around smooching people when you want them to keep quiet?"_

_"It is something I am not at all fond of doing on several accounts, no."_

_"Then why did you-"_

_"You already know the answer, Captain: it were to keep you quiet. Clearly holds only shot-term effects, however"_

_Obviously to Kirk, this was called flirting. Or considered flirting. He didn't know much about the Vulcans- But he was almost certain Spock was hinting him. Which Spock didn't do often, anyway; he's such a straight-minded bitch he's probably fond of making kids cry often. And Vulcan kids at that, too (thought, that was pushing the standards a little too far)._

_"Gosh, Spock, is this flirteee..."_

_And yes, that's when Kirk collapsed with saliva suddenly dropping from his mouth and his heated body suddenly going into strange, un-human like fits._

Then, after many days, weeks or supposedly months of resting, Jim eventually opened his eyes to be greeted with the sight of two faces.

His attention was immediately pulled to the Vulcan some feet away from his bed, his odd expression not speaking much to the Captain.

"Uh...Bones" He turned to The Doctor, who seemed busy scanning him over and occasionally taking his pulse "Who's the Vulcan?"

Then the room fell silent.


	3. Chapter 3- He remembers you?

Who ever said that Vulcan's could not feel?

Only some six seconds after Jim had said those, _oh such dreadful_ words Spock had instinctively turned to Bones and cupped his throat in his hands, his grip tighter than any humans (not that Bone's was constantly strangled by humans, of course)

"Tell me why he said those words!" Spock were speaking through gritted teeth now, his intimidating cold-black eyes leering closer to the doctor before, finally, he let him go with a harsh shove.

"D-Damn" Bone's chocked for a while, trying to get his breath back after just being winded.

"Answer me" Spock demanded, obviously taking his place as current-Captain to his mind.

"I don't know, Spock. That's the point, _I do not know_" Despite the situation, Bone's was actually mocking Spock in some sense- Not that it was the right time to do so, but he /did/ just get strangled by him so he had an excuse.

"B-But..." Spock paused, his eyes resisting the urge to meet that of Jim's. Oh, how he must look confused. Betrayed. Hurt. That was both of them, actually "Jim. I am Spock, half-human half-Vulcan. I was chosen to be your first offi-"

"What? Who ever made you first officer?" Kirk suddenly spat, but didn't feel the need to get up from the bed. He didn't even know if he could walk again.

"You did, Jim" Bone's chided in, rubbing the now red-area of his neck for a while.

"Eh, Bone's-" Jim began.

"He remembers _you?_"

"-Mind escorting the, uh..Vulcan out, please?"

A look of distraught not only came over Spock's face, but also Bone's. He couldn't believe he would have to do this- Neither of them could. The pound of emotion hitting Spock /time and time/ again were like nothing he had ever felt- Even the destruction of Vulcan wasn't this bad- To see his /best friend/ not remember him at all.

"Jim" Bone's decided to begin "Do you not remember Mr. Spock? What about being ill?"

"How can I forget you punching those hypospray's into me some ten-times? Jeesh, even I know you didn't need that many"

"What happened back on the planet? How did you end up.." Bone's held himself, not wanting to say anything that would cut too deep "..Like you_ were?_"

Spock tensed slightly, his eyes needlessly meeting that of Jim's.

"I was there with...With someone, I think. On the planet, I mean- Then.." The confusion in Jim's wording meant that Spock wasn't the only thing he hadn't forgotten. Perhaps, anyway. "Then I was here, in pain- Then everything just went black and I woke up"

"You remember nothing else?"

"N-No...- Hell, why the fuck can't I remember?" Jim's mouth was slightly ajar in confusion while he took the sheet from himself and, just like that, spread his legs outwards and struggled to stand up. He were shaking from side to side for a moment, his balance nothing of the norm. So, he insisted on using the walls for balance, trying to walk his way over to the two.

"God Jim you were half-paralysed earlier- Sit back down, damn it!" Bone's ordered, his tone demanding yet held sympathy as he rushed his way over to him, placed his hands on the Captain's now skinny frame and prodded him back on the bed.

"Captain Kirk, are you not aware of making the logical assumption that perhaps you forgo-"

"Ugh, Bone's I asked you to get the Vulcan from my sight!" Jim interrupted, his tone harsh and confused and distraught. What if he really did forget his first-officer? What if he forgot more than that? What if these were tricking him into all of this..?

What if he was unknowingly _dead?_

"Sorry, Spock. Leave, please..."

And that's what really got to Spock.

The fact that he couldn't know what was wrong with his friend. The fact that he wasn't remembered, not even /slightly/ and he would soon be hated by him again.

The fact that not even Bone's could offer a solution.


	4. Chapter 4- If I could, I would

[**A/N: **I'll try and update this story daily- But the next chapter might take a while. I don't know how long it's going to continue, but _**I don't want it too long. **_I tried to include more description in this chapter- Also another flash-back]

Spock stood by the door leading into the sick-bay

He stood some feet away so that it would sense him and automatically open- He didn't want to see Kirk. Not just yet.

It wasn't just that he didn't want to see him, but also that he wondered what Kirk would say if he _did _enter. Would he call for someone to kick him out again? Think of himself crazy that he can't remember who his 'first-officer' was?

And still, despite all of the thoughts corrupting his logical thinking, Spock couldn't help but repeat _Vulcan's do not lie_

So why is it he couldn't just say he was bitten by a fly?

It wasn't that Spock would be ashamed he didn't spot it, or rather got outsmarted by it, no. It was nothing to do with himself- Nothing to do with questioning his own intelligence.

In fact it was anything but.

In some sense, he worried what would happen if Kirk _did_ remember. If he remembered the danger they were put it (nothing new there, though) or, more consequently, that they kissed. That their lips made contact upon such a dangerous planet and, as a result of Spock's tedious attempts, caused his friend to get bitten, anyway.

_Stupid, stupid.._

"J-Jim, here, let me help you up.."

Spock's eyes instantly jerked up to the door that led to the sick-bay with caution. So Bone's was in there, it seemed- Probably helping Kirk regain his strength, he reasoned. Which of course was a god thing- To know that his 'friend' was well on the way to recovery and hopefully be fit for Captain again. That was a refreshing thought; to see the Enterprise back where she was.

So why did it hurt Spock so much?

"Doctor McCoy" Spock had decided to enter the sick-bay. Taking a further step forward and the doors automatically slid part for him, where he would straighten his spine and allow his hands to cup neatly behind his back. Casual.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep? You can't go Acting Captain when you're half awake, you know" Bone's was straddling Kirk over his shoulder. The Captain's weak legs seemed as if they were _oh, so fragile _and would easily give way if they didn't have support. His skin was the absence of any colour, too- Just a dull white flesh overlapping his skinny structure.

If anything it should be Jim who was sleeping.

He held heavy circles under his eyes, his arms scarcely any strength to hold themselves around the doctor who made short attempts to try and get the Captain walking.

"I were simply taking my duty as first-commanding officer and ensuring the safety of the captain, of whom seems entirely unhealthy" Spock reassured, but decided against showing his hesitance. Hesitant in the fact that Jim hadn't made any attempt to counter what Spock had said. There were no 'you're not my commanding officer' or 'I have Bone's to take care of me'.

"Yeah, well- Maybe if you two didn't go down onto that planet in the first place this wouldn't happen. You don't go to rob someone's house and leave them gifts on your way out, damnit. You do the correct job"

In some sense Bone's had a point.

Spock and Kirk did go down there to save the species- And instead they came back with their Captain on the edge of death, to be later found out that the hydration on the planet caused draught, therefore causing food-sources to run out vastly. So in the end the fly-like creature did die, anyway.

"Bones, I-I'd like to sit d-down" Kirk was breathless in his tone. His breathing was parted and he seemed as if he were having a fever, despite his pale skin. But despite how much Bones was eager to get him walking again, he obediently placed him back onto the bed, ensuring that his legs went before him with support. And, even with Bones continuously giving him several things to intake whether that be of solids or liquids, Kirk still managed to wince or cringe at every movement. He didn't look at all any better- If anything he had gotten worse.

"Doctor McCoy, could you please inform me as to why he has not yet improved? His condition seems to be deteriorating" Spock took a step forward, his tense muscles loosening a little when he had finally come to terms with the sorry-sight Jim was in. He didn't even have much of the strength to talk, or even be himself and _want _to play Captain.

However, in Spock's eyes (his cold, black, stone-dull eyes) Kirk wasn't himself, anyway. Not when he couldn't remember his friend or his first officer or his latest mission or that _kiss_. No, no...That wasn't like Kirk at all.

"Oh, uh" Bones hesitated to answer, but that could just be because he was concentrating on helping Kirk into the bed. He was shivering now.

Throbbing, shuddering, quivering...And yet only moments ago it would seem like he were boiling hot. Bone's wrapped the Captain up securely, his lip being bitten by his teeth while he thought through a pollution "I don't know. I've tried everything I can, uhm.." He reached away from Kirk and quickly snatched up a hypospray, pressing the cold injector into the Captain's neck and pressing upon the button, to which received a rasp gasp as a response. "I think it's blood circulation, but I can't quite put my finger on it. So..walking every-day and getting him back onto solids should do him well"

_"That should do well, then. Better than nothing" Kirk decided as he leaned back from the mess he had built out of tree-like structures and shrubberies, bonded together with loose vines, and nodded to his commanding officer._

_They were both on a planet that closely resembled a jungle, but had a vast variety of colours. Pink, red, bright-blue and some plain-white tree-trunks that looked almost like marsh-mellows The wide-range of inhabitants here barely showed themselves, but they were indigenous and were still partly afraid of why their own shadow._

_"Captain Kirk, I put it at 93.86 percent that we will fall from its unstable surface and into the high acidic liquid below" Spock reasoned, taking a step away from the apparent 'bridge' and shooting Jim a concerned look._

_"Oh come on, Spock- Over there- that's where all of the species thrive!"_

_"And also where we are most likely to face our death, Captain. Reconsider-"_

_"Nope!" Kirk allowed a sadistic smile to curl onto his lips as he took a stood closer to the bridge, feeling slightly uncomfortable when his friend weren't there to accompany him, but continued nonetheless He steadied one foot on it, pushing pressure onto it while he kept himself reassured with the outspread of his arms. He wondered for a moment if this were really a good choice to make; but hey, his mission was to explore worlds that haven't been heard of- To go further than anyone has or ever will go before. So this should be in his contract, surely. _

_A small gasp shrouded by his tedious smirk escaped his lips as he placed his other foot in front of him now, his eyes directly ahead. Balance. _

_Or, if you were Kirk, walk across it like you were casual. He took a few strides forward, his arms barely hanging at his sides while he tried to keep balance, when-_

_"A-Ah!" Coincidently his foot twisted about in an odd direction, his body instantly shifting to one side. Panicking, he tried to grab hold of the white-styled tree trunk. His eyes widened when his fingers failed to find grip, its slippery surface proving its purpose._

_"Jim!" Spock shouted aloud, his eyes throbbing wide with worry as he sprinted himself forward without another thought. There were no more 'oh, we could slip' or 'we're going to die'. Now all that was at hand was the thought of catching Kirk- His Captain and his friend. _

_It's quite amusing how fast a Vulcan can run. It only took him a few seconds- (or, as Spock would say, 3.24 seconds) to reach his friend. And, instinctively, he slided across the bark with precision. It was a wonder how he didn't fall himself- Perhaps those shoes Sulu had recommended would be a good idea, after all._

_The feel of warm, intertwining fingers within his own satisfied the half-human half-vulcan enough so that a short sigh escaped his lips. It had a lot of weight straining upon it, and the salty-dews of sweat on the surface didn't help him at all._

_It was only because Spock had decided to wear the very-well gripped shoes that he dug his feet between the tree-lookalike and the sandy-earth mixture on the crust of the planet. This gave him more strength than he needed, really- Being half-vulcan his strength was indeed spectacular. Nonetheless, he shifted his weight upwards, both of his hands gripping onto the wrist now._

_Then, with certainly more strength than was needed, he pulled Kirk up who seemed mildly excited to be greeted with a face full of dusty, earth-like sand. _

_"Phanks" He muffled between his breaths and the flooring beneath him, a shortened chuckle of relief warming up his throat._

"When he does recover, which I'm exceeding certainty he will, would his memory be restored?" Spock blurted out, rather absent-mindedly due to his last memory of himself and the Captain. Even with that only happening some weeks before Kirk was bitten, it seemed to be so far away now that he had no one to remind him of it.

"I can't guarantee it, and I find it very unlikely" Bones responded, his back to the Vulcan now as he rummaged through some documents with an arose brow. It was almost as if McCoy had accepted the Captains loss of memory...As if it weren't of any importance to him now.

Which, in some sense, it shouldn't be. Spock didn't think it should be- Bone's job is to take care and see to the safety of everyone on the enterprise.

And it didn't seem as if Kirk's memory made him ill...Well it wouldn't _now, _would it?

It didn't take a great deal of observation to spot Kirk's response to all of this. He was probably more confused than the two of them, and his eyes darting from the doctor and then to the acting-captain suggested he would rather not talk about his memory.

Not when he couldn't even say if he trusted anyone aboard the ship; not completely. Not any more, anyway.

"S-Spock, isn't i-it?" Kirk choked out, the small, thin sheet wrapped around him being bought up to his chin while his frail eyes restrained movement "I-If I c-could remember y-you, I...I w-would"

_It's okay_ Spock thought, his face entirely emotionless and his response were that of none _I know you would. _


End file.
